CDT- reflections.

3 + months is a long time to hike. Many people ask me if I think a lot on the trail. I would only go down one or two levels, not all the way to the basement. For reference I have seven levels of thoughts plus the basement. On trail though I found myself only thinking about a few topics, they kept coming to the forefront of my brain, so I dove into those a little more to find greater understanding.

These points are my main reflections from the CDT. Time, meaning/purpose of life, connection, solitude, searching/releasing, wilderness, pain, people, hitching, music and candy, Mt.Dew, and random thoughts.  

Time & Purpose of life

If you want or need some time to think a thru hike is the perfect adventure to do so. On the trail two subjects that came to mind often were time and the meaning of life. I dove deep into both of those and have a lot to say so I’ll write separate blogs about them.

“The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence” – Dalai Lama

Connection

Human connection. I firmly believe we are made for connection. We need a partner in life, we need friends, we need besties, we need a person. I only missed human connection once when I was on the trail. I loved the solitude. I love being on my own. I am completely comfortable with who I am and being by myself. Hell, even my second personality likes me. It was the 4^th of July, and I completely missed my crew back home. I missed boating, BBQing, and celebrating with them. I love the 4^th, I love our independence, and I love my freedom. I did notice though once I came into towns after multiple days of being on trail there was a pull and a yearning to talk to other hikers or strangers. It felt refreshing and a sense of joy came over me. I felt the pull of human connection. I felt a belonging even in a strange city with new people. A lot of the time people would start the conversation with me, wondering what I was doing, where I came from, or where I was going. Prior to the trail I would have been irritated with such questions. I would be polite and respectful but usually I wouldn’t be in the mood to entertain random people. On the trail though I didn’t mind it at all. As a matter of fact, I rather enjoyed the random talks with random people in random towns. Cheers to random’s. We shouldn’t go through this life alone. As I mentioned above, we should have someone. A ride or die. Someone we can trust, share experiences with, live, laugh, and love with. Life is better when we can share moments with a person.

“The journey is always towards the other soul.” -D. H. Lawrence

“However capable and skillful an individual may be, left alone, he or she will not survive” – Dalai Lama

Solitude

The silence and solitude offer an opportunity to slow down and unplug. The whole world slows down on trail. The only pace is the pace your lobsterlegs can move. My pace on average is 3.0 mph. The peace and silence will bring a calmness to your soul. Solitude is beautiful, it’s refreshing, and it’s very addicting. It gives you time to dive into your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with no distractions unless you’re about to get bit by a rattlesnake or charged by a grizzly. Only one of the two almost happened. It gives you time to allow your body to relax and begin to release. It gives you an opportunity to release whatever it is you need to release, and you might not even know what to release. The solitude will draw it out of you. This time can show you what is important, what’s meaningful, and what isn’t. Time and solitude are beautiful.

“And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.” – John Muir

“The forest makes your heart gentle. You become one with it. No place for greed or anger there.” – Pha Pachak

Searching/Releasing

Part of this journey I was searching for something much like my other adventures and different types of therapies. I love life and desire more knowledge, wisdom, and growth. Adventures like the CDT help me find that. Most of the time now I don’t know what I’m searching for, I just know I am. Half the time it hits me out of nowhere, the other half I need to reflect, and time to understand. Sometimes I need guidance from Jesus, friends, or my dog Mila. There is something inside me that yearns for more, that desires growth, healing, and life. Somewhere along the way though I realized on this adventure it wasn’t about searching or finding anything. It was all about releasing. Releasing what? Whatever it is you need to release, and you might not even know what to release. I had about four or five things I knew I needed to release and then subconsciously who knows how much shit I had buried. It doesn’t matter! The trail, the solitude, and the wilderness will dig it all up and tear it out. You won’t even know it happened till it’s all over and you feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off your shoulders. I felt refreshed, revitalized, and restored. Like brand new bed sheets, a full nights sleep, walking bear foot on grass, clean socks, a fresh shower after being on trail for five days, and of course your favorite song at the perfect moment. It’s all pure bliss. It hits different from everything else. I didn’t notice this feeling though until after I was off the trail. The following days it grew more and more like a wildfire. I had to address this new feeling. I noticed a change in the weather, I noticed a change in me. I don’t know when the trail started pulling shit out of me, most likely day one. It knew it had some work to do with me but when I was done hiking the trail was done pulling. As I write this, I still feel that blissful wildfire inside me. If I could bottle this feeling up and give it to the world as my gift to humanity I would. Instead, all I can do is share my experiences and be as real and raw with you as I can. So here we are with Fishtales.

Wilderness

The wilderness revitalizes you. It heals wounds, refreshes your spirit, and cleanses your soul. It brings a blanket of calmness over you; it restores you from the inside out. I’ve been off trail for a couple weeks now and I feel completely renewed, recharged, and revitalized. The trail/wilderness pulled anything negative I was holding onto right out of me. I felt so at peace on the trail. The real world is wild and crazy.

“Come to the woods, for here is rest. There is no repose like that of the green deep woods. Sleep in forgetfulness of all ill.” ― John Muir

Spend enough time in the wilderness and it will pull all the extra poison you are carrying around inside you out. What is poison? It can be anything beyond what we need or is helpful in life. It can be laziness, ego, anger, jealousy, fear, vanity, ressentiment, betrayal, etc. All of those emotions and thoughts are poison to your soul. The wilderness is there to heal it. You won’t notice it at first, but eventually you will feel completely cleansed. Exposure to nature has been linked to a host of benefits, including improved attention, lower stress, better mood, reduced risk of psychiatric disorders and even upticks in empathy and cooperation.

Pain

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” —Buddhist Proverb

Pain is temporary – memories are for a lifetime. Know the difference between pain and injury. At the end of the day pain lets you know you’re still alive, which is a good thing. I had blisters on blisters for 2500+ miles of the CDT and losing a toenail in the process. My feet didn’t heal until I hit the Idaho/Montana border. It’s just pain, not a showstopper. How bad do you want to achieve your goals? How much mental pain do you think you’ll feel on your death bed when you look back at your life and you didn’t do all the things you wanted? Goals, dreams, love, travel? I’m not willing to take that chance. I want the pain; I welcome the pain. Live the #intrepidlife.

People

It’s interesting how people treat you when you look homeless or in my case a dirty hiker. Different attitudes, different respect, and concerned facial features are always a delight. Then you have kindness from complete strangers that is truly beautiful and heartwarming. They give an encouraging word, cheer you on, and in some case even admire you. They don’t care or judge the way you look or smell if anything they are intrigued. Most people were just curious and perhaps a little worried, others were terrified. I could feel and smell how scared they were. Fear has a nasty scent. People tend to push away, get on the defensive, or become insecure with situations when they are afraid, confused or don’t understand. I think being a thru hiker can add to that confusion and fear. Life can be painful but living a fearful life can be a lot more painful.

“Happiness is planning a trip to somewhere new, with someone you love.” – Unknown

Hitching

Hitching can be difficult when you look like a tattooed Ted Kaczynski. I did however get picked up a few times. Most of those were from people who offered to give me a ride, I wasn’t even sticking out my thumb. When thru hiking a ride into town to resupply is a huge help and relief. That kindness is priceless. I also got a sense (this sense comes from my world slowing down and being in solitude) that people where just in so much of a rush they couldn’t be bothered to help someone out. As if they had something so important going on that stopping and asking if that person needed anything or a ride would ruin their whole day. Thru hikers just want a ride in the same direction you’re going, it won’t be that bad. You’ll most likely get a great story and maybe a little inspiration for yourself. Don’t be afraid, we don’t bite, just smell bad.

Don and Debra – I had just finished a 39.1-mile trek that day. I set up camp close to the Benchmark Trail head so I could try and hitch into Augusta, MT early the next morning. I waited for about :30 min until the first car rolls by. They stop and tell me the car is full and apologize they can’t help me out. No worries. I sit my ass back down on a 1 ft by 1 ft concrete stump and patiently wait. Next, Don pulls up in his crew cab dually pickup pulling a 30 ft horse trailer. Debra who I hadn’t met yet was in the passenger seat. I stand up to greet them. Don rolls down his window and asks where I’m going, I respond with Augusta, he tells me to hop in. On the inside I’m doing the biggest breakdance you have ever seen, filled with excitement and joy. On the outside I kept it cool and let out a causal “fuck yeah, that’s rad”. Don clears a back seat for me, Debra tells him to get me some fried chicken. I graciously accept and chow down. We chat, lots of questions, lots of answers. Very kind people. I tell them my story about how a trail angel in New Mexico gave me a Mt. Dew in the desert and now it’s the first thing I get when I roll into town. (see Mt. Dew story below) What happened next? Don pulls out a cold 20oz Mt. Dew and hands it to me. I literally couldn’t believe it. If there is a heaven on Earth for a moment I was in it. Not all hero’s wear capes, Don for the win. This is a perfect example of how two strangers showed complete selflessness and kindness purely from their hearts. I was dirty, smelly, dressed questionable, tattoos, long hair, they didn’t care. They picked me up and off we went. It literally made my made and gave me a story to write about today. Thank you, Don and Debra. I hope to pay it forward one day, no, I will pay it forward one day!

And then there is the time I got picked up and upon sitting down in the car the guy goes into telling me how much he loves psychedelic mushrooms with his 80-year-old mother riding shotgun! Can’t make this shit up. All part of the journey.

“Wilderness is not a luxury, but a necessity of the human spirit.” – Edward Abbey

Music & Candy

Music and candy are life on the trail, at least for me. Candy all the time, music only for a few hours a day and some days not at all. Some moments I’m just stumbling down the trail, hot, tired, pondering life again and the next my boy Ed Sheeran comes on and I’m dancing my ass off talking to the wildlife. Playing the air guitar walking through Glacier National Park hits differently than on the couch at home. Music is melodies for the soul. Candy tastes better on trail, no argument there. It’s wonderful for breakfast or anytime. Helps you at the end of a long day to make that last climb. Candy makes your soul smile on trail.

“Every sunset brings the promise of a new dawn.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mt. Dew

Ohhhh the sweet, sweet nectar of Mt. Dew is life changing. Up until Pie Town all I thought about on trail was orange Fanta. I couldn’t wait to get into town and slam a cold 20oz bottle of Fanta and I did, every time! After Pie Town though things changed. While walking down a back country dirt road in the middle of the desert a lady pulled up next to me and asked if I wanted a cold Mt. Dew and as they say the rest is history. From that moment forward for the rest of my CDT hike it was Mt. Dew. The first thing I always did when arriving in town was purchase a Mt. Dew, literally the very first thing. I would sit down just about anywhere, open it up and enjoy. Not a single worry in the world. It brought such a great sense of happiness. It became my CDT town tradition. #dothedew

Random thoughts

Walking through grizzly country at night is sketchy.

The trail is only half the adventure. The people you meet, the towns you stroll through, the pure bliss and happiness rushing through you at random times, the days you discover what you do and don’t want in life, not a care in the world just hiking all day are all a part of it. The entire journey, every step of the way is part of the grand adventure.

Keeping it simple in life can bring you much peace, joy, and happiness. Food, water, shelter, a good latte and if you’re luckily enough a friend or partner by your side to enjoy it.

“I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees.” Henry David Thoreau

The CDT is an amazing trail. The landscape is spectacular. I will forever hold a special place in my heart for the CDT. If you can’t or don’t want to hike for 3+ months that’s ok. I would highly encourage every person on this planet to at least try thru hiking for a week or more. It’s different from your normal camping. It will change you whether you want it to or not and for the better. Mother Nature takes control. Enjoy the journey.

#intrepidlife

Fish