Mexico, Drugs, & Jesus

I’ve been to the spirit world. This is my story.

I went to Mexico to do some drugs. This was a journey for deeper self-discovery, this was a journey to find something, this was a journey that changed everything.

Never in my life would I have thought I would do any kind of drug like these two. Just not my style. I like wine. I like adrenaline. I like the edge. I like moments. The two drugs I did were 5-MEO DMT (street name “the God molecule”) and Ibogaine. Ibogaine is a plant-based drug, and the DMT is poison from a frog’s gland synthesized into crystals and smoked. “Johns Hopkins researchers have discovered that use of the synthetic psychedelic 5-methoxy-N,-N-dimethyltryptamine (5-MeO-DMT) appears to be associated with unintended improvements in self-reported depression and anxiety when given in a ceremonial group setting. 5-Meo-DMT is a psychedelic that is found in the venom of Bufo Alvarius toads, in a variety of plants species, and can be produced synthetically.” – John Hopkins Medicine

I went to Mexico with a non-profit called VETS. They provide Veterans and first responders with Psychedelic Assisted Psychotherapy. “VETS is the leading organization focused on ending the veteran suicide epidemic and addressing traumatic brain injury (TBI) with psychedelic therapy.” My friends Marcus and his wife Amber started VETS. They have a beautiful story about how Psychedelic Assisted Psychotherapy saved their marriage and their friendship. Read about the program and its story online at the link above. I am grateful that both of them had the courage and faith to dig deep for themselves and their relationship. Through their struggles, they have shown us that we all can heal and grow, especially Veterans. They have sparked something that has changed the lives of hundreds and thousands. I am one of them. To Mr. and Mrs. Capone, Thank you.

I was in a place in life where I wanted, where I needed some change, and I was willing to go outside my bubble to find it. Sometimes we need to go outside our comfort zone to seek the answers and find the healing, or understanding we are looking for. I am the type of person that loves learning more about myself in all areas of life, more so the areas I am not thriving in, and to be honest, I don’t thrive in several areas. My resume is impressive and extensive but so are my failures. The more I learn, the more I can grow and become a better human, friend, and partner. I want to change, and I want growth, but before that comes, you might have to face some darkness. You might have to ask tough questions and make hard decisions and changes. You might not like what you find. But you will like the person you become after you face those demons and conquer them.

Upon arriving in Mexico, we chilled for a few hours. Had some deep talks along with talks about what was about to happen. This is my story. I started with Ibogaine on Friday night around 12am. I took two huge capsules, laid back on a mattress in an open room along with several other guys, and waited. It came on slow and then hit like a dump truck! For the next 8+ hours, I experienced a horrible trip. Maybe I was fighting it too much, maybe I wasn’t ready for something so heavy. It was a long experience, and it was miserable, I saw a lot of things, I heard a lot of things, and puked a whole lot, like a lot! It was not a pleasant and by no means a fun time. I didn’t take much away from that experience, and I’m not totally sure what kind of healing/helping it did for me, at least right away. I understood more later. We rested Saturday and then Sunday around noon, in the same open room, this time by myself, I laid back down on the same mattress and embarked into the spirit world. Within a few moments, within a few choices, everything would change. This time I would start with smoking DMT through a pipe. I took a long hit, held it in for 10 seconds, and laid down. This was an amazing experience. I felt euphoric, relaxed, and calm like floating on a cloud. I saw colors and patterns. Today it reminds me of something out of Austin Powers. It was the complete opposite of Ibogaine, and it was awesome. After several minutes I took a second “hit”, you can have up to a maximum of three. Like the first time I inhaled, I held it for 10 seconds and laid back on the mattress. In that split second, I instantly sat up and began puking, I looked around, and I was in a fourth dimension. I was in a world that we humans have never seen or can comprehend. I was, in my own opinion, in the spirit world. The room was darker and red, but I could still see everything and everyone and knew exactly where I was and what was happening. My body was freakishly changing in front of my eyes. I felt my mind melting. I felt myself, but I felt no physical pain but knew I was mentally crashing, hard. I thought I was going to die in that world. I couldn’t control or fully understand what was happening. The next thing I knew I heard a voice in the back of my head that said, “go jump off the balcony” and I went to do it. As I began to open the door, I realized it was the devil talking to me. At that moment I turned around, and every person in the room had dark, long, demon faces with black droopy eyes. I remember saying “I was warned about you people.” I ripped off my shirt (no idea why) and ran down three flights of stairs, pacing back and forth in the kitchen. I re-confessed my love and devotion to Christ. At that moment I did not forsake him nor deny him. I won that battle. I faced my demons, and I told the devil to F*** himself. Crazy as it sounds that is exactly how it happened. I have never been so frightened in my life. It most was the intense and overwhelming thing I have ever done, and I am thankful for it.

The above photo is about 30 minutes after DMT and the spirit world. I zoned out for a while listening to music and staring at the ocean. The first song I listened to was “Stargazing” by Kygo.

Prior to Mexico, I was not practicing my faith or really even had a relationship with God/Jesus anymore. I was not seeking God and had no intention of finding him down there. As you can read from above I didn’t find God, instead, I found demons but that led me back to God, Jesus, and faith.

The night before I embarked on my journey across the border, I received a phone call from a SEAL friend of mine. We literally hadn’t talked in eight years. It was random and weird for him to be calling. He asked if I was interested in doing some private security work. I said yes, and I would speak to him when I return from Mexico. He then asked if I was going down to participate in the Psychedelic Assisted Psychotherapy, and I said yes. He told me to pray and take God with me and that he would pray for me as well. He said I was going to see some really scary stuff and that world is not for us, humans. I didn’t give it much thought if anything it kind of made me more nervous. I did pray right before I participated in each drug. Looking back on that weekend there is no other way to explain my friend’s phone call except for God using him as the messenger to get to me. I am thankful for that phone call. Thank you, Jeff.

I believe God showed me exactly what I needed to see to get my life back on a good path, back on his path. For that, I am forever grateful. Just as the devil tempted Jesus and told him to jump off the temple in Matthew 4:5-6. Matthew 4:5-9 shows us that Satan does have power. If Satan can do terrible things to try and manipulate our Savior, we should never underestimate his power here on earth. Just look at our fallen world. Look at all the evil and darkness going on around us, it’s real, and it’s very much alive.

I understand now that God is always calling us back to him. I’ve learned this through the bible, friends, church sermons, etc. I feel this was the only way he could get me to listen and come back to him. To show me something that would rock me to my core. Those that know me know I beat to my own drum. I live hard and try and live as if it’s my last day. I want a full story, an #intrepid story. Along the way though we can lose our direction, we can lose ourselves, we can lose our path. We need a true light, we need something greater than ourselves to guide us. We need faith.

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” – George Bernard Shaw

The Bible talks about how having an encounter with God brings repentance. Although my encounter was not with God or Jesus after that weekend, I very much had repentance. It gave me some serious heart and soul searching. After my return, I endured months of struggle in many areas of my life. I evaluated and reevaluated everything. I dove deep into my past, the present, the dark areas, and the hidden areas and started a new process of healing, growing, and understanding.

That experience has forever changed my life in many ways. I am thankful for it, even though it was probably the most mentally challenging and scariest thing I have ever done. I am blessed for the experience and what God has shown me. I began a new journey, and have been on this new path ever since. Do I still stumble, yep? Do I still make mistakes, yep? Do I learn and grow from these lessons? Yep! You don’t need to go to Mexico, do drugs and talk to the devil to find your faith or believe in Jesus. You just need to talk to him. You just need a glimmer of faith, hope, and love. He is waiting for you, just as he was waiting for me. #faith #hope #love #believe

Mexico, Drugs, & Jesus.

I’ve been to the spirit world. This is my story.

Fish